she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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