I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When are your genitals available?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
