It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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