Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
A bitchslap is in order.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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