I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
