My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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