i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
