Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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