Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just had sex bonerless
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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