So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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