If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
