dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
