Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
