Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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