my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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