OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hate all girls vehemently.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
