stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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