I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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