I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
