The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
