what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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