i barfeds in our rink
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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