Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize