Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
