I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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