I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
