I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
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