You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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