Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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