Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
