dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
