i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I supernannyed him into submission
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
