Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
