eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
