I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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