Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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