If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
