Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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