one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
