Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
