Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's the barista slut.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
