i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
