Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
