Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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