you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
