We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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