Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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