I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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