So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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