What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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