The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
whose parrot is this?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
