I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
