You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
