I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
