the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
