I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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