You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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