was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
