Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
