How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
third nipple confirmed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
