I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize