Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
