Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
