So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
