Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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