im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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