so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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