that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
