went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
