I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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