It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
