So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
