Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
