are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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