But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
