Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
