I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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