did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
