I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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