Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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