You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
